Who Are You Trying To Please?
If you’re a parent to a teenager or know one, you probably watch them try so hard to fit in, day after day, year after year. In many cases, they pay a high cost for this desire and may be pressured into activities or behaviors they had no intention to participate in. Because they wanted to fit in, however, they gave into the peer pressure and the rest is history: trouble.
As adults, many of us still live with the teenage mentality that we must fit in. We buy the most expensive jewelry, cars, phones, clothes, etc. Our fancy dresses may be neither comfortable nor our style, but we wear them anyway. And so the cycle continues.
We do all of this because we value others’ opinions more than our own. We think that if we dress like them, drive the same car, wear the same makeup — act, talk and walk like “they” do — we will be welcomed into their group. We’re still looking to be respected by them, whoever we decide they might be.
And we go to great lengths to get that respect. We sacrifice our true selves, and we silence the voice inside us that’s screaming to express itself — freely and authentically. We suppress our authentic voice, live a life based on others’ dreams, and ignore our own crying hearts, which only want to be themselves. How’s that for a sad tale? Unfortunately, it gets worse.
Once we realize that they still don’t approve of us, we seek comfort and happiness in things that are further destructive to our wellbeing — sabotaging what we worked so hard for, only to lose it all.
And for what?
Have you asked yourself that question? Have you stopped and thought: Why does all this stuff matter? Why do I care what others think of me and what I do? Am I living a life I enjoy at my core, or am I just going through the motions and passing each day because that’s what’s expected of me? Am I trying to fit into an image of myself created by others, or am I being true to myself?
Well, today, we’re going to answer those questions. So tap into your teenage soul, buried deep inside you, and take a minute to figure out who she really is.
Weekly Action: Authenticity Reflection
Today, give yourself the gift of pause and think about these questions. Pay attention to what thoughts come up and keep track of them by writing them down.
- Each day for a week, ask yourself three questions:
- Why do I care what others think of me?
- Am I living a life I enjoy at my core, or am I just doing what’s expected of me?
- Am I trying to fit into an image of myself created by others, or am I being true to myself?
- Write your answers down. Don’t reread your answers from previous entries. Just move forward and return to the exercise the next day.
- After the week is over, read what you’ve written from start to finish.
- Then ask yourself: What am I doing simply for others’ approval?
- Highlight those things in your week of entries. Then decide whether or not you need to continue putting effort into those parts of your life.
Don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments below!
Aazam Irilian, is an artist with a mission to heal and the founder of heal the heart. She is a Transformation coach and helps others to uncover their blocks and overcome life challenges in order to move forward in life, personally and professionally. Her process of combining visualization and creativity, allows participants to relax and clear their mind, in order to identify solutions toward achieving best result for personal and professional growth.